You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
