You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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