I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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