I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize