I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
