she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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