oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the raccoons are back...
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