I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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