I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
