I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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