Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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