I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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