Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
