I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
