Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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