We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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