my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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