Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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