so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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