i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we should paint friendship bongs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
