I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You took a bar mat shot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
