I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
