I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
