you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...