So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
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My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"