on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?