on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
