I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
