If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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