I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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