he told me I talked like a deaf person
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
