I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
