so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
