Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
