I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
