And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
