There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want her autograph on my taint
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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