I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
