i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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