dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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