Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
