Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
