If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
