ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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