So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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