I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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