Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Btw I puked in your glovebox
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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