ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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