I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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