I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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