I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
