I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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