this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
