so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He better not be in your backpack
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
