He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
