Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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