I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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