I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
