My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
