I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
