my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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