All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
