70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
