Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
