I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
