I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
