Screwed.edu
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
