my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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