Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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