i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
