he puts the penis in happiness.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
