i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
