the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
