the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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