This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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