Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
