i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
